Love, Laughter, and Loki

My Life With the Trickster

For all of my life that I can remember—which is a good bit actually since I have memories going all the way back to when I was 2—I have been an unusual child. I was very mature for my age, spoke with a deep and sultry voice even when prepubescent, and had a wild imagination, or so the grown-ups would say. I would see and talk to spirits and other beings invisible to most other people. Among them there was a character who stood out among them all and He quickly established Himself as my best friend and confidante.

He came to me in various guises though I always knew it was Him. He did not reveal His name to me but I made up names to call Him by since I needed something to attach to the face. We made up games to play, he would entertain me with songs and stories, and He was generally a bright light in a lonely and sometimes miserable childhood. When I was a teenager and became a devout Christian I decided He had to be my guardian angel, though He would roll His eyes at times and make other indications that I wasn’t quite on the right track. Still He put up with it, and put up with becoming my spirit guide when I delved into Paganism in my late teens.

It was not until years later when I was undergoing a personal and spiritual crisis that He revealed His true name and face to me. My childhood playmate, my constant companion throughout my life, was none other than Loki Laufeysson, infamous throughout Norse cosmology as everything from a mischievous Trickster to the Norse Satan. My reaction at first was not a pleasant one, but overtime He won me over and now I can not imagine my life without Him in it. For four years now (He would say it’s been longer though) I have claimed Him as my Patron and it has enriched my life in as many ways as it has made it interesting.

Many people no doubt are reacting to my words with reactions ranging from rolled eyes to outright horror at this point. Why would I choose to serve a God who is so maligned by so many people, a God who is known as an oath-breaker, a kin-slayer, harbinger of Ragnarok, enemy of the Gods and men, and any number of other unflattering kennings a lot of Heathens will refer to Him as? My answer is pretty simple most times: I didn’t choose Him. He chose me. It might sound like the ultimate in hubris to say that but it is true. Sometimes we choose our Gods but more often They choose us.

As for all the unflattering kennings, I would argue that if anything Loki has been better at keeping His oaths in the lore than many of the other Gods. Yes He was involved in the killing of Balder, but by doing so Balder ended up in Helheim the only realm that will be left standing after Ragnarok. Loki basically ensured that the world will have a future and will be left in good hands after the dust has settled. If that isn’t being true to His oath to be loyal to the Aesir I don’t know what is. It is true that He supposedly will stand against the Aesir at Ragnarok, but I look at it this way: If I were bound to a rock for untold millennia after one of my sons was gutted in front of me by another one who was forced to do the deed I wouldn’t be in the mood to play nice either. As for enemy of man, I see nothing in the lore or anywhere to back that statement up. Loki’s beef is with the Aesir, not humankind. He has nothing against humankind, since they weren’t the ones who wronged Him.

Loki is not the Norse Devil, but a necessary and vital component to the Norse pantheon. He is the one who provides the much-needed shaking up when the Gods fall into complacency and a puffed-up sense of self-worth. He is the jester who provides the much-needed comic relief, the speaker of painful truths who tells it like it is when everyone needs to hear it. He is responsible for a lot of the Gods’ worst moments, true, but their best ones as well. When He cut off Sif’s hair and then went to get Her a replacement wig, He not only did that but came back with more treasures than He needed to retrieve: Mjolnir, Odin’s spear and Draupnir, Frey’s sweet rides. In the process He ended up getting His lips sewn shut for His troubles. There are other examples of His good deeds done on behalf of the Gods….saving Freyja from giants who wished to marry Her, making Skadhi laugh and thus sparing the Aesir Her wrath after Her father was killed, and of course the story of Him and Thor venturing to Jotunheim dressed in bridal garb to retrieve Mjolnir.

Enough about His good deeds for the Gods however. I am not here merely to justify my reasons for worshipping the Sky-Treader. One thing Loki has taught me is that it just doesn’t pay to care about what people think, a lesson I have taken to heart. I have long since ceased to care that people might think I am foolish for giving my loyalty to Loki and His Family, and have laughed off accusations of doing this for the shock value, or practicing a form of Norse Satanism (such comments clearly come from people who have no idea what Satanism is really about—and I say this being a former Satanist myself), or attention, or just to shake things up. If people really understood my personality, a shy introvert who hates being the center of attention, they would know better. As I said Loki chose me….if it had been up to me, I would have gone with a more quiet and subdued Patron or Matron. Yet I wouldn’t trade Loki and the lessons I have learned from Him for the world.

When I said that I was a weird child, I mean I was a weird child. The only reason I ever really cracked a smile or laughed was due to Loki’s interference. I was a depressed and lonely child and also very serious. Up until recently if you shoved a lump of coal up my butt it would have come out a diamond. Loki taught me to relax and go with the flow of life. He taught me that I can’t control everything and sometimes I just have to allow what will happen to happen. Change isn’t always bad, and that was a lesson that took me awhile to absorb much to His frustration and amusement. The not caring about what others think was another thing that didn’t come easily to me, having felt the pressure to be perfect since a very young age. Loki taught me that it’s okay not to be perfect, that no one is perfect. He should know….He is an expert at pointing out the flaws in people, at shattering preconceived notions of being holier-than-thou and knocking people off pedestals. He pointed out my own flaws, made me face them, and ultimately made me love them. That was the main lesson that was hard for me to grasp for a long time there….self-love. I had grown up with a poor self-image, was full of self-loathing all my life and it was hard to like myself. Loki, through all His pokes and prods and scrapping away at my boundaries and perceived self-image, actually taught me to love myself. Contradictory? Yes, but then He is the master of contradiction.

Many people thought I would break as one of His. They might have had a little right to be concerned. Loki is not for everyone. If you are not ready to see yourself as merely human (sometimes less than) instead of whatever picture-perfect image you’ve established for yourself, if you are not ready to face your true self with all of it’s flaws and all the ugly truths, and if you are afraid of change Loki might not be for you. However I think it is a mistake to avoid Him deliberately. The more you try to shoo Him away, the more He persists on knocking down your door and making Himself known, and that is something a lot of people—myself included—have learned. Best thing to do if you find that Loki has taken an interest in you is simply to ask Him what He wants. Offer Him a drink. Maybe He just wants to chat. Maybe He has something else in mind.

If you’re too scared perhaps He’ll back off. I would argue though that if He’s hanging around it’s because you need something only He can teach you. Maybe your life has gotten to the point where it’s become static and you need to shake things up. Or maybe there is something else He can teach. Loki has knowledge of a great deal of sorcery, as well as skill with words. Who knows, perhaps you can benefit from a bit of contact. I know I have, to my everlasting surprise. He continues to surprise me, all the time. I surprise myself when I give into His demands. Though at the time it might seem like torture in the long run I find I have a great sense of accomplishment and am pleasantly surprised at myself.

Being devoted to Loki has been an interesting journey. Loki is a paradox unto Himself: Kind and giving one minute, harsh and bitingly cruel in the next breath. He is the playful Trickster and the cold-blooded Breaker of Worlds. He can whisper loving words of devotion one minute and then cutting insults the next, being completely sincere about both. As offerings He likes candy, toys, and cheap Scotch, but also blood, poetry written in His honor, and hours of conversation. He is flattered by ritual, but at the same time has no patience for it and might interfere in a formal faining given in His honor with His own “improvisations”. As I have said He is a master of contradiction and there is never a dull moment upon welcoming Him into your home. He can be a loyal friend, and He can be fairly fickle as well. I have had the experience of Him being away sometimes for months, and other Lokeans have as well. Most times He comes back and the reunion is a joyous one but then in His typical style He begins to shake things up and you might find yourself wishing He had stayed away. But I always miss Him when He goes regardless. If He stayed away I might not know what to do with myself.

Among the other things He has taught me I learned how to be truly patient. Loki is a very good teacher ironically enough considering that He can really try one’s patience nearly to the breaking point! I have also learned respect and humility at His hands, as well as how to open myself to love. It was something completely unexpected from a God who is not know for such a thing, but the lesson was learned regardless. There have been other things too, all of them treasured forever by myself.

At the time that I finally oathed myself to Him I was unaware that there were other people who were drawn to be fulltrui to Loki. I thought I was the only one. To my astonishment and gratitude I found that this was not the case and to date I have come to know a number of fellow Lokeans. Some of them I have become friends with, and others I could live without. Since I became aware of this community He has had devotionals published dedicated to Him (including one by myself, soon to be followed by a second one), websites springing up in His honor, and scores of people have come out of the Trickster closet to declare their reverence for Him. It makes me happy to see Him so well-loved in spite of His naysayers.

So here is to the Trickster, the Sky-Treader, Husband of Sigyn, Father of the Wolf, Serpent, and Death Herself, Sharp of Tongue and Quick of Wit, Silver-Tongue Devil of the Aesir. Here is to Loki.

May He forever be hailed.